High Five: Milena Barcellos

Here’s what Milena shared about themselves: I'm a uni student, Black, Brazilian, bi asexual girlie with an allo boyfriend struggling in all aspects tbh.

Milena identifies as sex-positive asexual and demiromantic.

Question 1: What's your aspec origin story? How did you figure out you were aspec?

i guess by realizing i never thought of sex as something i would WANT to do, i always saw it as something you kinda HAVE to go through, like a phase in life you can't escape, a ritual of passage for me to become an adult. when i realized that's not how i should see it, i looked more into asexuality and it's spectrum. i realized attraction for me was always something very "difficult" and specific, in the end it wasnt difficult i was just a lost ace

Question 2: What's one or two important lessons being aspec has taught you?

attraction is NOT the same for everyone, it's not universal and there's not like 2 different kinds of attraction, so you should live your life thinking only inside the boxes of sexual and romantic attraction

Question 3: What's missing in the aspec community? What do you wish to see improved in the community?

aros are so often erased from the picture because of how much we as a society normalize and center the human experience around romance. AND the puritanical aspect sometimes pisses me off like, just cause we don't feel sexual attraction doesn't mean we should all be puritans and never talk about "dirty" things or always feel uncomfortable by watching or reading sexual relationships in media, i get that some aces and aros feel that way and it's fine but it shouldn't be weird if an ace or aro person doesn't feel like that.

Question 4: What do you think is going right in the aspec community? What are your aspec joys?

i guess the general joy you feel in community, the sense that you're not alone and there are other people out there who feel the same way as you and share experiences and thoughts that made you think you were crazy. oh and not feeling excluded as a sex positive asexual when reading asexual experiences that include sexual intimacy and how they go about it with their partners that are sometimes allo.

Question 5: (Choose your own adventure here!) What's a question you wish I'd asked, and what is your answer?

how is being aspec where you live? Brazil is highkey a VERY sexual country and i know being aspec in general is lonely cause there's not really that many of us but in a country where casual sex is seen as a necessary part of adult life with the excuse that its for health reasons, it can get intense completely going against the grain, i mean you're literally seen as alien just for saying you couldn't kiss or fuck somebody you don't know at all. it feels so so so good when i find another ace out in the wild cause i swear it feels like there's like 10 of us out of over 200 million people. so it gets super lonely and isolating but making aspec friends here and there helps a lot.