High Five: Jessie Atkin

Jessie Atkin is an author who writes fiction, essays, and plays. Her work has appeared in The Rumpus, Aze Journal, PULP Magazine, The Jewish Women’s Archive, and elsewhere. Her full-length play, "Generation Pan," was published by Pioneer Drama. She is the content creator behind The Jewace (@the.jewace) Instagram and Blueksy accounts. She can be found online at jessieatkin.com.

Jessie identifies as ace.

Question 1: What's your aspec origin story? How did you figure out you were aspec?

I first heard the term “asexual” when I was in graduate school. So, honestly, until I was in my mid-twenties, I didn’t know asexuality was even an “option.” I'd always been a bit of a tomboy, and never had the same "crushes" so many of my friends seemed to talk about while I was in high school and college. I thought there was supposed to be a “right” path—searching for someone to date, who checked all the boxes you’d expect when thinking about a stereotypical, serious, long-term relationship. That’s where I put most of my social energy after college. I was even engaged once, and from the outside, everything looked perfect. But internally, something always felt off. Friends and family told me my feelings would change, that maybe I was just overthinking things (which I can often do). But that wasn’t the case. Eventually, I realized one of the things I was feeling was a lack of sexual attraction, and it wasn't going away. Again, people I knew suggested going to a special therapist, which I tried, with absolutely no success. It didn’t help that asexuality was not on that therapist’s radar either. That disconnect forced me to take a hard look at myself, what did I really want? How did I really feel? As I began to understand and accept that I was asexual, I broke off my engagement, though that wasn’t just about attraction—there were also deeper communication issues in the relationship. I learned that no matter your orientation, being honest and able to fully express who you are is essential in any successful partnership. If I couldn’t do that, it wasn’t right to spend my life with that person. But being able to define my experience, just having the word “asexual” felt right.

Question 2: What's one or two important lessons being aspec has taught you?

Being ace has taught me a lot about the value and effort we should be putting into all of our relationships—regardless of how they’re categorized. The hierarchy that places sexual or romantic partnerships above platonic connections is not only limiting, but genuinely harmful. No one should be expected to rely on a single person to meet all of their emotional or social needs—that kind of pressure isn’t healthy for anyone involved. What I've come to realize is that the time, energy, and care we often reserve for romantic or sexual relationships should also be invested in our friendships, chosen families, and broader communities. These connections deserve just as much intention and nurturing. Maintaining and deepening them isn’t just important—it’s essential to building a fuller, more meaningful life. Since coming out as ace, I’ve grown a lot. I’ve become more intentional about how I spend my time and who I spend it with. I’ve made space for deeper friendships and have found so much value in relationships that exist outside of a prescribed "happily ever after". For me, building a life anchored in a variety of important connections—not just one type—feels more balanced, more authentic, and ultimately, more fulfilling.

Question 3: What's missing in the aspec community? What do you wish to see improved in the community?

I think the ace community needs to keep being more vocal and visible. One of the most important things is knowing where our community is—both within dedicated ace spaces and across the broader LGBTQIA+ landscape—so we can foster more connection, visibility, and growth. For me, I still know far more aspec people online than I do in real life, which shows just how disconnected many of us still are in everyday spaces. That said, it’s not solely on the aspec community to bridge these gaps. Inclusion within the wider LGBTQIA+ movement remains a systemic challenge. Asexuality isn’t new—but widespread recognition of it is. The "A" was added to the acronym later than others, and while that addition matters, it doesn’t mean we should still be so underrepresented in queer spaces. We deserve to be present, visible, and included just like anyone else in the community.

Question 4: What do you think is going right in the aspec community? What are your aspec joys?

I think recognition of the ace community is slowly but steadily growing. We’ve gotten better at advocating for ourselves—especially in online spaces—and it’s been amazing to see more visible signs of inclusion, like the ever growing number of ace flags, colors, and giveaways as part of Pride celebrations each year. More people are at least familiar with the term "asexual" now, which is a meaningful shift. While we still have a long way to go in terms of representation, the fact that there are any characters on television currently identifying as aspec is a direct result of our community becoming louder, prouder, and more unified over the past several years.

Question 5: (Choose your own adventure here!) What's a question you wish I'd asked, and what is your answer?

So much of how we see the world—and how we imagine we can exist in it—is shaped by the media we consume. From allonormative messaging to the idea of “happily ever after,” we’re told from an early age what life is supposed to look like, often through stories and characters that don’t reflect the full range of human experience. I still remember the first time I encountered a named ace character in media and how validating that moment was. It made me feel seen in a way I hadn’t realized I needed. So, the question I wish you’d asked is: Where did you first come across an ace character in media or pop culture? Because then I could say—in the book Every Heart a Doorway by Seanan McGuire.

You can follow Jessie on Instagram or on Bluesky, or check out her website at https://jessieatkin.com/