High Five: Terri

Here’s what to know about Terri (any/they/them): 53yr old data protection officer, spent 13 years working in Children’s Social Care. Communications Officer for EDI Staff Network in an organisation of 4,000 + staff, member of LGBTQIA+ Network for the Royal Yachting Association. Also diagnosed with Chronic Major Depression so am actively looking to support others within the community with MH difficulties.

Teri identifies as agender aroace.

Question 1: What's your aspec origin story? How did you figure out you were aspec?

I always had this sort of sense of disappointment, but thought it was my mh. Then, 7 years into my marriage where there were already difficulties with my total lack of interest in sex I read a piece of CSI Fanfiction where one of the characters was asexual. I thought, ok that really reads like how I feel. At that point, around about 2006 there was a lot less online about it. Fortunately I love research and found a lot more information. It didn't help my relationship any, but it did give me some internal validation and I felt not quite so alone - although I was.

Question 2: What's one or two important lessons being aspec has taught you?

Pick my battles, I kept my belief that I was ace regardless of the hate from others. Share your knowledge and support others.

Question 3: What's missing in the aspec community? What do you wish to see improved in the community?

I'm not sure how to articulate it, but I feel like we're a very diverse group within the queer community and I think that sometimes results in people not reaching out and starting those initial chats and making connections. I'm not sure how that could be improved - I think your group on Patreon is a good example of how it can be - we connect when we want. I think more spaces like that are good. I also think that the 'baby aces' can forget that some of the older aces haven't known we were ace our whole lives, I feel like they sometimes forget that, maybe getting lessons out about that could be good.

Question 4: What do you think is going right in the aspec community? What are your aspec joys?

I think connections are building slowly - this summer I've met a lot more ace folk in real life and although we mostly connect online/whatsapp most of the time it's still nice to know who they are. Also I think we can be quite good at harnessing the hate - I remember how a lot of people came together over the JK Rowling post, it wasn't all positive but we can often spin things so that we still get the message out about who we are.

Question 5: (Choose your own adventure here!) What's a question you wish I'd asked, and what is your answer?

What would have helped and supported your early learning and 'coming out' as an ace person?

If you want to connect with Terri, follow them on Instagram @acemama_uk.

If you want to take the “High Five” Interview, you can! Just visit here.